Questions

You can't have it all. Or so I was told. But is there harm in wanting?? Would your grip on reality be question?? And how does one define "all" anyway?? If, let's say, I want a normal family, a good relationship with my parents and sibling, a job I like, someone to be with, a house, a car, enough money to allow vacations; would that be considered too much??

I don't know about other people but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have someone else's life. I'm not being ungrateful or anything of that sort. Its just that when life is crap, I can't help but think that way. I want a sense of normalcy but what is normal anyway?? Some people find eating bugs, get married as many times as they please, sleep on dirt under the stars, live in a tree, have a live monkey served at a fine dining restaurant, all to be normal. What does it say about them?? What does all this say to those who look at them with disgust and judge under their breath??

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't know what I want. There's a picture of an ideal life in my head but I don't know how to get there. There are some things that society dictates one should have to be considered successful; a certain standard to fill for people to be able to say that you have a nice life, to be counted as one of the "lucky ones". I don't exactly agree to this way of thinking as there are a lot of rich people who have unsatisfying lives and "less fortunate" people who are happy. I'm neither. Right now I'm at crossroads. In between most of things; happy and sad, I have money but I'm broke, confused but with clarity, I'm driving myself crazy. I think I partially insane already, but aren't we all??

I know I need directions. I have an idea of the life I want but the questions lie with how, what and when. How the hell am I going to get there?? What do I have to do?? When will I be able to figure things out?? Do I possess what it takes?? Am I good even worth it?? And of course, will I ever get the life I've been dreaming of for the longest time??