Crossroads

I was told to find a job I love, that way, I'll never work a single day of my life. It's a pretty popular expressions and I know people who swear by it. Well, I've been working since I was eighteen and I still haven't found one. I graduated with a degree in Journalism way back May of 2008. It's been four years and I have nothing much to show for it. I feel like my life has been in limbo for the past couple of years. I'm stuck. I've been jumping from one call-center to another trying to find a job that would stick; something to do that I would find fulfilling. Going to work, answering calls, and dealing with the same thing over and over is making me feel robotic. Boring and dull doesn’t even come close to describing what I think about the work I do. Being screamed at over the phone day in and day out by irate customers is not something I thought I’d be able to bare for over five years. How I managed to last that long is pitiable, but there is a very simple explanation that I have to admit to myself too; I’ve been procrastinating. I’ve been holding up on finding a profession that would really make me happy because I’m afraid I’m not good enough to make it. I have a clear passion and its writing. There's just something about putting thoughts into words and pressing pen to paper that makes me feel alive, it makes me feel like my free-spirited self again. So I write; mostly creative and literary pieces that I often keep to myself. I also keep an updated journal and I blog every time the mood hits me, but to be honest, it's not enough. I'm sick of being stuck in a job I hate and what I often refer to as a pathetic excuse to get compensation.

Now I've done a lot of things to break the ice, and I find that I'm happiest away from work and the usual stuff I'm required to deal with. I obviously love to travel, I've gone to most tourist spots in the Philippines and then some, where better to start than home right? I've also been to other countries, Singapore and Malaysia, and it was great. I'm fascinated by meeting different people and seeing things through someone else's perspective. I'm awed by going to new places and knowing the history behind monuments, food, traditions and all things in between. I crave for new experiences, doing things I've never done before, encountering people and cuisines I wouldn't normally come across with. So I travel every chance I get. One of my favorite things to do when I'm away is actually write. I always want to remember the feeling and the effect the place had on me so I put my thoughts down whenever I can. I often sit on the beach late at night when there's barely anybody around, stare at the vast ocean and write. It may not always be the beach; it may be at the bar in a hotel, from the balcony of my room on the side of the mountain, in the plane, or anywhere for that matter, I like to find time to myself, be alone and write.

I firmly believe that to write is to live forever. Having your thoughts live on through your writing is priceless. I'm turning 25 this year which means I'm technically over a quarter of my existence. Sadly, I'm not completely happy with what I've already accomplished and where I am with my life. This is not what I pictured my life would be when I get to this age. I wanted to do something more meaningful with my life and I'm stuck in the corporate world I feared of in the first place. I've been contemplating about things more and more recently. I want to break from my ordinary routine, I want to get away from the work that I've come to despise, but the problem lies with figuring out how and where to start. There's the fear of having to start over and of course failure is terrifying, but I've been too much if a coward in the past to pursue the job I really like and I need to take the first step to get over that. It seems really silly and possibly even stupid but I'm lost. I need directions.